The Dad's Perspective (written by Christian)

Before getting into my experiences and thoughts and feelings throughout this process, I just want to say that reading Melissa’s posts are so great.  Even though I am living through much of this at the same time, it is fun to hear her perspective.  By the way, it is true that she writes exactly how she talks and when I am reading the posts I can actually hear her voice, which is so fun.

Melissa asked that I write a post to give everyone my perspective on our journey through this exciting new experience of having a little girl, and since she has gotten to share more frequent updates, this post may be a bit longer than some of the previous ones.  Full disclosure, Melissa shares her articles before posting for suggestions and edits, but I make a concerted effort to not interject my own perspective in them unless she asks.  Hopefully this will be a nice break for her.

In looking back at previous posts, I noticed that a little more context with what has been going on in our lives through all this might be helpful for everyone.  In the very first post, Melissa said that we found out about her being pregnant February 6^th.  Let me set the stage in a little more detail.  Of course, we had been trying to have a baby for a while, and everything else in our lives was moving forward, so this was something we had really been praying about and for.  I had been at my job for almost a year when, on January 31^st, I was informed that I was being laid off and would have a two week severance, “thank you very much for your service”. Six days later Melissa tells me she is pregnant and we are having a baby.  Two weeks after that, I get a letter in the mail informing me that the Master’s program I had been drooling over and trying to get into for over a year had accepted my application and that I would start in the Fall Semester.  As elated as I am for all of this news, this layoff just took a really bad turn in its severity. It was a very difficult and stressful time, to say the least.  Fortunately, one more blessing was in store and I found my current job, which I absolutely LOVE and which has removed all those terrible stresses from earlier. 

Throughout all of that, I am trying to wrap my mind around the idea that I am about to be a new father and the nerves that go with that.  I was overly concerned and protective on Melissa’s behalf because, as you may have read in her first post, she had a miscarriage prior to this. But it was all starting to get more and more real, with each doctor visit, and each ultrasound, the excitement grew: WE WERE HAVING A BABY! You have seen some of that journey through Melissa’s posts so I will try not to be duplicative, but every milestone added to the excitement.  Each week, we read about our baby’s progress and what was happening.  Melissa struggled with all-day sickness (why it is called morning sickness makes no sense to me), and all I could do was find ways to show my love and support through all of it.  It has been an enlightening journey.

When we knew we were having Aria, I was elated.  My dad had three boys and had always wanted a girl. A grand daughter was the perfect news for him (and you may have seen his reaction in a previous post). I got asked a lot, and still get asked occasionally, if I wanted a boy, and I can genuinely say that if I did it was a 50.1% preference for a boy.  I wanted a child.  The best news I have gotten was, in order: 1. Melissa was pregnant, 2) the baby was, and continues to be, healthy.  Learning that our child was a girl was just a way for me to better prepare (as much as one can prepare of course).  Up to that point, every decision Melissa and I were making were “gender neutral” and ultimately, having a boy or girl would only add the final pieces of the puzzle we have been creating when it comes to décor, names, etc.

There is one special note on the decision making process with Melissa that needs to be made.  Many women who are having a baby completely take over every decision related to “baby” and do not allow their partner to have any input whatsoever.  Whether it is the brands that are used, nursery color schemes, or even how long to breastfeed, husbands are completely left out of the process and are at the mercy of their wives’ dictates.  Melissa is not one of those women, and I could not be more grateful. She truly counsels with me on all of the decisions that will affect our child.  She brings me her opinions and asks that I do research and develop my own opinions.  In this, I can say that I often defer to her judgment in many things, but she doesn’t take it for granted and doesn’t believe that my input should be disregarded or brushed off.  Perhaps most men are uninterested in many of those decisions.  Perhaps their opinions are disregarded and they decide not to bother.  I am not one of those men, and I truly value Melissa asking my advice on things, sharing her thoughts and opinions and preferences, and seeking out my judgment.  We look online and go to stores and research what we need versus what we want.  She is truly a partner in every sense of the word and I am the luckiest man I know. 

This next bit will come as a shock to all of you…we disagree, plenty in fact.  Here is an example: we discussed color schemes for the nursery and being interested in keeping it neutral, we decided on grey with yellow accents.  We would lightly accent with blue or pink too depending on gender.  I found a grey crib and dresser that I thought was perfect, and Melissa had her mind set on a nice looking wood piece.  Upon seeing the grey set I showed her, she fell in love and we immediately agreed that we liked it.  I couldn’t stop myself though…I kept looking and searching, and I found another that I absolutely loved even a touch more than the other crib set we agreed upon.  It was more modern and perhaps a little more masculine.  Melissa wasn’t as sold on my preferred crib.  They were both grey and very high quality, but we weren’t quite seeing eye to eye on it.  We decided however, that because my preference was a little more “masculine” that if we were having a boy we would go with mine and if our baby were a girl, Melissa’s preferred crib (our formerly agreed upon one…I am such a pain) would be the one.  We all know how that decision turned out J and I am 100% ok with it.  Fortunately, we are in agreement on so much more, and especially on the important things.

Other interesting notes…hormones and moodiness: they are real and it cannot be helped, only navigated, like a ship near the shore on a foggy night: carefully, sending and receiving signals to see where everyone is.  Can I just say here that Melissa knows when she can’t help her moodiness and that it frustrates her?  She is so wonderful and apologizes for those times when she was a little sharper with me than she wanted to be; she doesn’t just blame pregnancy and say ‘deal with it’ which I see a lot of.  In other words, she doesn’t use her pregnancy as an excuse to behave poorly.  Pregnancy brain: its legit people!  Melissa is my backup memory on everything, kind of like The Cloud, and right now, it is very unreliable.  It does make for some very funny times though.  Cravings: meh…haven’t had to deal with many.  Pickles and lemonade during the first trimester, but that wasn’t a craving so much as a remedy for nausea.  Shrimp fajitas, cinnamon rolls, and the weirdest one just recently, Jack-in-the-Box eggrolls (which has not yet been indulged) with dipping sauce have been the only actual “cravings” she has had.  On food in general:  I was fully prepared to witness a complete loss of control around food and indeed looking forward to it, as it would mean my own reckless abandon could be overlooked.  Sadly, this has not been the case.  Melissa has done so well with staying and eating healthy that I look more pregnant than she does. 

What is probably most surprising is how time has flown by! We are almost halfway through this journey and looking forward to our 20 week ultrasound next week…I know! It is crazy!  Side note, they say that the most common mistake in gender determination is the doctor saying the baby is a girl when in fact you are having a boy, so look forward to the post from Melissa after our ultrasound, it could change everything, hahahaha.

This whole experience has been and continues to be priceless.  Nothing can prepare you for, and few things are more precious than, having a child.  I am so grateful and lucky to have Melissa as my wife and partner through this.