2 weeks old!

Our baby girl is 2 weeks old already.  Can’t believe it.  Seriously can time slow down a little?!


 

First, let me start with the ugly.  These last 2 weeks have been an up and down roller coaster ride emotionally for me.  Though I am beyond happy and so in love with my new bundle of joy, there are other things that are weighing down on me and contributing to the emotions.  For starters, the lack of sleep.  Everyone says “sleep when the baby sleeps” and that is definitely easier said than done.  I am on full new mom paranoia mode right now and it’s like I need to watch her constantly.  Even at night while she is sleeping, I will fall asleep and wake up every half hour or so to check to see if she is ok.  We even got a co-sleeper bassinet for our bed so she is literally right next to us (in a protected way) for us to look after.  It’s ridiculous.  I wish I could just let it go, but it’s not happening.  When I do get sleep it’s when Christian literally takes her somewhere in the house and demands I be in another room so I can’t worry about anything.  This of course can only happen on the weekends though.  He is back to work already and is also working on lots of school stuff.

The co-sleeper in our bed

The next big issue is and has been breastfeeding.  Oh man!  Remember when I said I was fully committing to this?  Well… I am and it’s coming with all sorts of challenges.  Aria doesn’t latch on correctly thus has destroyed my nipples.  (Sorry for the TMI here).  Feedings became a nightmare very quickly.  As soon as she would cry saying she was ready to eat, I would cringe and the tears would start rolling down because I knew how much pain I was about to be in.  Over the last few days, I have switched to pumping and bottle feeding until I can go see a lactation consultant and let some healing happen.  I will latch her for a few minutes after each feeding just so she doesn’t forget the little she knows about latching.  Well, I went to see the lactation consultant today and I am pretty much out of luck.  Got no real help other than to do tongue exercises on Aria.  So the end result is to endure the pain and nipple destruction and pump when I feel I need time to heal hoping that she doesn’t forget and leave the breast entirely.  I don’t mind the pumping but the down fall has been a decrease in milk supply.  As if I needed something else to make me all paranoid.  I have learned that essential oils fennel and basil can help boost supply and so I am banking on that to get me through this rough patch.  I am determined to get this latch correct though.  I am not ready to throw in the towel and do exclusive pumping only. 

Next thing bringing me down a bit is not having my mom here.  I don’t say that to make her feel bad or for anyone to think “poor me”.  It’s just been a struggle for me emotionally.  There is just something comforting about having your mom during these times.  I am not mad she isn’t here.  Like I said before, she just started a new job so she isn’t able to take the time off.  I know if she could be here, she would be.  Regardless, I feel like a big baby when I say “I want my mommy.”  Moms know just what to do and say and fix things so naturally I want that right now.  I survived day 1 of flying solo at home with the little one.  It was tough and many tears were shed, but I made it!  It should get easier when I have to do it more often.  I cry every time Christian has to go to work though.  See… emotions!  Lots of crying.  I am assuming this is “baby blues” and will go away in a few weeks when the hormones balance out.

So speaking of flying solo, I am officially starting that this week which is bringing me complete anxiety.  Yes, I survived one day of it, but now it’s for the rest of my time off.  Yikes!  I knew this day would come eventually but I wasn’t exactly prepared for it to happen so suddenly.  You see, my aunt came down to TX on October 9^th (the Friday after I delivered) and is staying until Saturday, the 24^th.  I was a little selfish and thought it was to help me the entire time, so I mentally prepared myself that I would have 2 weeks of help before having to learn to fly solo.  Classic Melissa… assuming. Haha!  I should have worked on my communication a bit better because she was only here to help for a few days and has already left.  Now let me not sound like a total brat.  The days that she was here were SO helpful and I am extremely appreciative of it.  I just wasn’t quite prepared for being alone so soon so I am having a hard time dealing with it.  Let’s blame this on the hormones somewhat.

Ok let’s talk about some good things. 

Because of the C-section, I have been a little more limited in what I can do around the house. I am getting SO much better at asking for help and allowing others to serve me.  I love doing service for others and I always feel so bad when people do things for me.  I feel like an inconvenience.  Usually when people ask if I need something, I say “No, I am ok” when really I am struggling and could use help.  Christian helped me with this by reminding me how good I feel when I help someone else out and that by not accepting help, I am not allowing others to feel that feeling when they serve me.  Hmm… that husband of mine had a good point didn’t he?  So these past 2 weeks, I have said yes to many meals, yes to rides for Axel and have even reached out to a couple of my friends for help.  Turns out, it’s not so hard to say yes after all. J 

Alright… Alright… I know you really want to read this blog post just to find out about the real star here… Miss Aria!

She is SUCH a good baby.  She does the usual baby things (eat, sleep and poop) like a rock star.  We were told that the first days after birth, babies lose up to 10% of their weight until mom’s milk supply comes in and they learn to eat.  That was very true for her.  At 4 days old she had dropped from 7lbs 7oz to just 6lbs 11oz.  New born clothing was baggy on her. I am happy to report that at her 2 week appointment she is back up to 7lbs 8oz.  Right on track with what the Drs said would happen.  This means despite her wrecking my nipples with her awful latches, she is getting enough milk.  Success!  Makes it almost worth all the pain. She has also grown ½ inch and is now measuring at 20 ¼ inches.  She was a little jaundice at her first Dr appointment but after a few pokes to check her blood levels, we are happy to report she is now perfectly fine. 

Last week, Aria had her first bath.  I was so scared to do this on my own so I had to get some help from Tami Oliver.  Oh, how grateful I am for her coming over!   I was scared to bathe Aria since she still has the cord attached and it can’t get wet.  It’s been 10 years since I have had to do this and I wasn’t brave enough to go first. Aria LOVED the bath.  She didn’t cry at all and slept for a looong time after.  It was great seeing that because now I know her bath time needs to be at night.

 Speaking of nights, she is on a reverse sleeping schedule (which I am sure all babies love doing to their new parents).  She sleeps all day long and around 1am, she decides it’s party time.  She is usually wide awake for a few hours after that.  This contributes to my lack of sleep.  Hopefully, I can get a little more disciplined about waking her up during the day.  If I can’t, I will NEED to learn to sleep when she sleeps so that I am not dying when she wakes up for a feeding.  The only way I can get her to go back to sleep immediately at that time, is for Christian to take her.  Oh man!  She LOVES LOVES LOVES snuggling with her daddy.  I called that long before she was born though.  Since he gives off so much body heat, she can’t help but relax, snuggle and fall into a deep sleep.  Christian has to get up so early for work though so I wake him up only when I really need the help and try not to bother him during night feedings.   

 

Right now, it’s hard to tell in pictures but Aria has slate colored eyes.  This of course is normal in newborns but I am anxious to see what color they will actually be.  I am thinking brown since my eyes are brown and Christian’s are blue.  Brown always will be dominant. Darn!  I am secretly wishing for something other than brown.  Her hair is also not as dark as it seems to be either.  In the sun, she has lighter brown hair color but because she has so much, it looks darker.  Again, this can all change within 6 months so I am curious to see what that will turn out to look like as well.  So far, it looks like she inherited most of her traits from Christian.  Even her big toe is exactly the same, but in a miniature version.

Trying to show the eyes off here....

Her next Dr appointment is at 2 months where she will get her shots. Unfortunately the Dr has recommended not taking her in super public places until then.  Looks like we will be little hermits for a while longer, but I am just going to enjoy it and soak up all this mommy/baby bonding I get.  I will continue to keep you posted on her growth and all the fun new things happening in our lives.  I am also going to limit how many pictures I am posting on Facebook.  I don’t want to be one of those moms that posts like a million times driving everyone mad.  If you would like me to blow up your texts or emails with pictures, let me know and I am happy to share those with you!

 

 

Labor Story

She’s here! She’s here!  We are SOOO happy!!  She is absolutely perfect and I can’t get enough of her.  Ok so this post is going to be on the longer side.  I am including the labor story as well as a brief little bit about her homecoming.  I will write more details about that in the next post though. Remember I write like I talk, so it’s probably going to be lots of babbling.  I will try and make it coherent enough.  (Also, it took me a week to finish writing this in between feedings and naps so I should start working on my new one now. haha) J

The Labor Story

On Monday, October 5^th, around 9:00pm, we tucked Axel into bed and I felt the need to re-cap to him what was going to happen if I went into labor in the middle of the night.  I explained what was in his bag, what he would need to grab and what he would need to do.  Then after tucking him in, I went into nervous panic mode.  I was shaking and talking to Christian and telling him… “This is so real!  She can be here any moment and I am terrified of the labor process and the changes.  We are going to be great parents, but I am still so nervous!”  Yes, that’s right… out of nowhere, I was on super charge nerves and was feeling every emotion possible.  Christian talked calmly to me and let me know that I got no sleep the night before and I was probably just so tired and just needed to rest.  I agreed and decided I would call it a night early.

At 9:37pm, I was reading in bed and felt a small gush of liquid come out of me!  It was small, but I had just peed so clearly it had to be something right??  Went to the restroom, confirmed it wasn’t urine and then called Christian to our room to let him know what was going on.  We decided since it was a small gush, it probably meant nothing but we would call his parents to give them a heads up and let them know I may go into labor that very night.  As soon as Christian got off the phone, a HUGE gush came out of me, soaking the towel I was laying on completely!  I ran to the bathroom with Christian and we both just stared at each other for about 5 seconds like “uhh… this is it!” and then both started laughing hysterically.   I wasn’t feeling any contractions or anything so we took our sweet time getting ready.  I took a shower, Christian showered, I packed up the last minute things needed like toothbrushes and phone chargers and then woke Axel up finally.  Throughout this ‘getting ready’ process more and more gushes of water would come and send me into a nervous giggle fit each time.  I remember my Dr telling me that I needed to go to hospital within a certain amount of time from my water breaking so at about 11:15, we headed to the hospital (which is about 35mins away) to meet Christian’s parents.   They were meeting us there so they could pick up Axel and keep him for us.  At this time, I still have no contractions whatsoever and I am just excited that we are finally going to meet our little princess!

11:50pm – We arrived at the hospital, passed Axel off and got up to the maternity ward.  I finally felt my first contraction by this point but it was subtle and manageable.  I left a lovely trail of water drops for anyone who may have needed to know exactly where I had gone in the hospital. I think I apologized to the nurses like 50 times.  Oh nurses… there were a lot that helped us and a handful that were awful.  Which brings me to nurse one… awful! As she was helping me sit onto the bed so she can check me another gush of water came out and she jumped back and said “oh thanks a lot, you got it on my shoes!”  I chuckled at first thinking it was a joke and then looked at her face and quickly realized it wasn’t. I apologized and got into bed to get examined by her.  Yeah… she got sweet revenge while doing that.  I believe she stuck her entire arm inside me and gave Aria a high five.  She actually told me that my cervix was really far back and it was making it hard for her to feel anything.  So she did it again… equally as painful.  Turns out… I was at 0/0 (0 centimeters and 0% effaced).  WHAT?! But my water broke!  I thought that meant I for sure had progress of some kind.  The only thing I could think of at that point was 1. Please get me away from Miss Sunshine here and 2. 0/0 means I would have a looong labor process in the hospital.  Ugh!  Anyway, they got me into my labor room and around 12:30am my contractions started on their own and were pretty unpleasant and regular right off the bat.  The contractions being unpleasant was to be expected.

My new nurse was introduced to us and she got to check me next.  She too said that she was having a difficult time because I had a “posterior cervix” that was hard to reach.  So it was concluded that all these exams were going to be SO painful.  She agreed that I was at 0/0 and let me know when I got to 3 is when I would be able have an epidural if needed.  She vanished at that point and only came in the room if a monitor needed to be adjusted.  Around 4am, my contractions were very strong and very close together.  Christian was the best labor coach for me.  He had me breathe with him, he rubbed my head, he held my hand and for a brief moment, I focused on him and saw the pain in his eyes.  He is a typical guy that wants to fix things.  I bring him a problem, he fixes it.  I get hurt, he fixes it and this one he couldn’t fix and it was hurting him.  I feel absolutely guilty looking back on this because at one point I remember telling him “please help me.  Make it stop.” And he could literally do nothing for me.  After the labor, I apologized for doing that to him at least 10 times.  I still feel so bad.  It wasn’t a fair thing for me to say, but at least I wasn’t doing it with malice.  I was having a moment of weakness. 

There was a machine that Christian sat by that showed him the severity of my contractions.  He was noticing that there was no more “down time” between them and I wasn’t able to get a release from the pain.  At 5:45, he took it upon himself to call the nurse and ask that she check me again to see if I could get the epidural.  She came, she checked.  That was the MOST PAINFUL moment ever!  Worse than the previous times and on top of that… a super big contraction hit.  That one literally made me cry.  The nurse couldn’t tell still just how far along I was so she guessed I was 3 cm dilated and ordered the epidural for me.  She mentioned once the epidural took effect, she could check again and be clearer on the progress.  Around 6am, the anesthesiologist, came in my room and if I wasn’t contracting so badly, I may have hugged him.  He did his thing and about 20 minutes later, I was finally able to relax.  Woo hoo!  This is where the fun really begins people!

So my nurse comes in and checks me again.  Says “Umm… I think you’re at a 3, but I don’t think I feel her head.  I am going to get another nurse in here to check just because I am not really sure what I am feeling.”  Umm… ok?  So nurse 2 comes in, does her exam and I am thankful I am numb during this entire process.  She too determines I am “probably about a 3, but that’s not the head.  There are little bumps.”  The 2 nurses stare at each other for a good 30 seconds with a deer in the headlights look and all I am thinking is…. Is it a baby!?  Is it an alien?  Why is there no head and what are the bumps?!  Nurse 2 recommends they call the OB on call to come and take a look.  At 6:30, in walks the on call Dr.  She checks me and says…get this… I am really at 7cm dilated.  So let’s side note this real quick:  from 12:30-6:00 I had gone from 0-7, my nurse never checked and thought I was at a 3?  At that moment, I realized, there are issues going on.  If nurses can’t get this right and they are feeling ‘bumps’, something is wrong.  Ok. Back to the Dr.  She too, says she doesn’t feel the baby’s head.  She isn’t sure what she feels so she gets an ultrasound machine.  Turns out, Aria is head down, but she was in a C shape, face down and hand above head (just like in all her ultrasound pictures).  They think the little bumps they were feeling were her hand. Once the on call Dr saw how Aria was positioned, she called my Dr to let him know.  At 6:50 she comes in my room and says my Dr will be there shortly and that I am to be prepped for a C-section.

At 7:05am my Dr arrived and let me know what was going to happen and spoke about the dangers of delivering a baby in Aria’s position.  Then he turned around and in a nice way demanded that the nurses get moving asap.  Yeah… he got them going. Lol Within just a few minutes, I was being wheeled back to the OR room.  Now I feel totally guilty admitting this but in the few minutes that I was being prepped, I dozed off.  That wouldn’t be a problem except for the fact that I was not really wanting to wake up.  Here we are, my baby is minutes from arriving and all I am doing is sleeping.  I was SO tired.  Hadn’t slept all night long and barely slept the night before and for the first time I was relaxed. 

Side story to explain the next bit:  Christian watched a comedian tell a C-section joke one time.  It went something like this.  The comedian told a story about the time his wife had to have a C-section.  He thought at one point the Dr had told him to go over there and he ended up looking over the curtain.  He looked in horror as he saw his wife “disemboweled”.  As he returned to his wife’s head, in shock, he comforted her by saying how beautiful their child was.  Then, in a dramatic whisper, he told her “You’re going to die.”

Once the prepping was almost done, I opened up my eyes and looked up at Christian and whispered “you’re gonna die” in the same dramatic tone as the comedian and we both went into a fit of laughter.  The Dr and nurses were a bit confused by what was so funny, but I couldn’t help but break the nervousness somehow.

At 7:23am, I heard the most beautiful cry letting me know my baby girl was finally here.  That woke me up!  I was SO happy!!  Dr showed me the baby and… Holy cow!  It looked like someone punched her in the face!  One of her eyes was swollen completely shut and her eyelid was protruding from her face. I now know that because she was facing down her face was getting banged up as she was dropping lower and lower.  Makes me a little sad that we didn’t catch that sooner so she could have been taken out earlier and not have to go through all that.  Anyway, back to her arrival.  The nurses weighed and measured her at 7lbs 7oz and 19 3/4in.  Christian was able to run back and forth to me to give me updates.  Once he left with the baby and nurses, I took advantage of the time I was getting put back together to take another nap.  I don’t know if that was the best idea though because once I fell asleep, I was dozing off all day long uncontrollably.  Literally would fall asleep mid-sentence.  Happy to announce, I still haven’t recovered from that night’s lack of sleep.  Happy?  Yes, because that means I have a healthy baby at home with me that requires all my time and attention.

Recovery

I won’t bore you with all the details since this post is already long enough.  I will say that I never in my life thought what the recovery would be like for a C-section and I am sure if I did, I would have been way wrong anyway.  It’s the most pain I have ever experienced in my life.  Seriously!  I am not saying vaginal deliveries have it easier.  They have their own slew of messes to deal with… BUT something about having layers of my body (including nerve ending and muscles) cut through and sewn back together is a traumatizing experience for my body.  I knew that I would have a longer recovery time but this is nuts and now I know why!  Luckily, I know a few people that have had C-sections and have given me some really great advice on things to do and not do to help me recover as best and as fast as I can.

Going Home

We came home from the hospital on Thursday, October 8^th.  As much as I wanted to come home, I now want to go back.  It was great to have so many hands and experienced people surrounding me and now that I am home, it’s scary.  Really it’s been great… Hard, but great.  She is a good baby and like most newborns, sleeps a lot.  She just loves snuggling and sleeping in our arms.  Christian is like a space heater so that is right up her ally.  We have had her home for a week now and the sleep deprivation has become more challenging as the days go by.  I am hoping over the next few weeks we will establish a better routine to help us get through it.  We are absolutely in love with this little girl and she has us wrapped around her finger.  There is hardly a time when she is not in someone’s arms.  I know… I know… we are creating a monster and will have a difficult time later because of this.  We are just soaking up all of this time while she is so little and lets us love on her all day.  I am SO grateful for my church family here.  They have been just absolutely amazing!  We have been brought meals almost every night for the past week and I am constantly being checked on by someone.  I am getting ready to face being a new mom alone at home all day in the next week and although I am terrified, these wonderful friends of mine are close by and are willing and ready to jump in to help.  Aria’s 2 week appointment is also coming up so I will start getting my next post ready so I can give you more frequent updates.  (I also promise more pics on the next post too.)