First, let me start with the ugly. These last 2 weeks have been an up and down
roller coaster ride emotionally for me.
Though I am beyond happy and so in love with my new bundle of joy, there
are other things that are weighing down on me and contributing to the emotions. For starters, the lack of sleep. Everyone says “sleep when the baby sleeps”
and that is definitely easier said than done.
I am on full new mom paranoia mode right now and it’s like I need to
watch her constantly. Even at night
while she is sleeping, I will fall asleep and wake up every half hour or so to
check to see if she is ok. We even got a
co-sleeper bassinet for our bed so she is literally right next to us (in a protected
way) for us to look after. It’s
ridiculous. I wish I could just let it
go, but it’s not happening. When I do
get sleep it’s when Christian literally takes her somewhere in the house and
demands I be in another room so I can’t worry about anything. This of course can only happen on the weekends
though. He is back to work already and is
also working on lots of school stuff.
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| The co-sleeper in our bed |
The next big issue is and has been breastfeeding. Oh man!
Remember when I said I was fully committing to this? Well… I am and it’s coming with all sorts of
challenges. Aria doesn’t latch on
correctly thus has destroyed my nipples.
(Sorry for the TMI here).
Feedings became a nightmare very quickly. As soon as she would cry saying she was ready
to eat, I would cringe and the tears would start rolling down because I knew
how much pain I was about to be in. Over
the last few days, I have switched to pumping and bottle feeding until I can go
see a lactation consultant and let some healing happen. I will latch her for a few minutes after each
feeding just so she doesn’t forget the little she knows about latching. Well, I went to see the lactation consultant
today and I am pretty much out of luck.
Got no real help other than to do tongue exercises on Aria. So the end result is to endure the pain and
nipple destruction and pump when I feel I need time to heal hoping that she doesn’t
forget and leave the breast entirely. I
don’t mind the pumping but the down fall has been a decrease in milk
supply. As if I needed something else to
make me all paranoid. I have learned
that essential oils fennel and basil can help boost supply and so I am banking
on that to get me through this rough patch.
I am determined to get this latch correct though. I am not ready to throw in the towel and do
exclusive pumping only.
Next thing bringing me down a bit is not having my mom
here. I don’t say that to make her feel
bad or for anyone to think “poor me”. It’s
just been a struggle for me emotionally.
There is just something comforting about having your mom during these
times. I am not mad she isn’t here. Like I said before, she just started a new
job so she isn’t able to take the time off.
I know if she could be here, she would be. Regardless, I feel like a big baby when I say
“I want my mommy.” Moms know just what
to do and say and fix things so naturally I want that right now. I survived day 1 of flying solo at home with
the little one. It was tough and many
tears were shed, but I made it! It
should get easier when I have to do it more often. I cry every time Christian has to go to work
though. See… emotions! Lots of crying. I am assuming this is “baby blues” and will
go away in a few weeks when the hormones balance out.
So speaking of flying solo, I am officially starting that
this week which is bringing me complete anxiety. Yes, I survived one day of it, but now it’s
for the rest of my time off. Yikes! I knew this day would come eventually but I
wasn’t exactly prepared for it to happen so suddenly. You see, my aunt came down to TX on October 9th
(the Friday after I delivered) and is staying until Saturday, the 24th. I was a little selfish and thought it was to
help me the entire time, so I mentally prepared myself that I would have 2
weeks of help before having to learn to fly solo. Classic Melissa… assuming. Haha! I should have worked on my communication a
bit better because she was only here to help for a few days and has already
left. Now let me not sound like a total
brat. The days that she was here were SO
helpful and I am extremely appreciative of it.
I just wasn’t quite prepared for being alone so soon so I am having a
hard time dealing with it. Let’s blame
this on the hormones somewhat.
Ok let’s talk about some good things.
Because of the C-section, I have been a little more limited
in what I can do around the house. I am getting SO much better at asking for
help and allowing others to serve me. I
love doing service for others and I always feel so bad when people do things
for me. I feel like an
inconvenience. Usually when people ask
if I need something, I say “No, I am ok” when really I am struggling and could
use help. Christian helped me with this
by reminding me how good I feel when I help someone else out and that by not
accepting help, I am not allowing others to feel that feeling when they serve
me. Hmm… that husband of mine had a good
point didn’t he? So these past 2 weeks,
I have said yes to many meals, yes to rides for Axel and have even reached out
to a couple of my friends for help. Turns
out, it’s not so hard to say yes after all. J
Alright… Alright… I know you really want to read this blog
post just to find out about the real star here… Miss Aria!
She is SUCH a good baby.
She does the usual baby things (eat, sleep and poop) like a rock
star. We were told that the first days
after birth, babies lose up to 10% of their weight until mom’s milk supply
comes in and they learn to eat. That was
very true for her. At 4 days old she had
dropped from 7lbs 7oz to just 6lbs 11oz.
New born clothing was baggy on her. I am happy to report that at her 2
week appointment she is back up to 7lbs 8oz.
Right on track with what the Drs said would happen. This means despite her wrecking my nipples
with her awful latches, she is getting enough milk. Success!
Makes it almost worth all the pain. She has also grown ½ inch and is now
measuring at 20 ¼ inches. She was a
little jaundice at her first Dr appointment but after a few pokes to check her
blood levels, we are happy to report she is now perfectly fine.
Last week, Aria had her first bath. I was so scared to do this on my own so I had
to get some help from Tami Oliver. Oh,
how grateful I am for her coming over!
I was scared to bathe Aria since she still has the cord attached and it
can’t get wet. It’s been 10 years since
I have had to do this and I wasn’t brave enough to go first. Aria LOVED the
bath. She didn’t cry at all and slept
for a looong time after. It was great
seeing that because now I know her bath time needs to be at night.
Speaking of nights, she is on a reverse sleeping schedule
(which I am sure all babies love doing to their new parents). She sleeps all day long and around 1am, she
decides it’s party time. She is usually
wide awake for a few hours after that.
This contributes to my lack of sleep.
Hopefully, I can get a little more disciplined about waking her up
during the day. If I can’t, I will NEED
to learn to sleep when she sleeps so that I am not dying when she wakes up for
a feeding. The only way I can get her to
go back to sleep immediately at that time, is for Christian to take her. Oh man!
She LOVES LOVES LOVES snuggling with her daddy. I called that long before she was born
though. Since he gives off so much body
heat, she can’t help but relax, snuggle and fall into a deep sleep. Christian has to get up so early for work
though so I wake him up only when I really need the help and try not to bother
him during night feedings.
Right now, it’s hard to tell in pictures but Aria has slate
colored eyes. This of course is normal
in newborns but I am anxious to see what color they will actually be. I am thinking brown since my eyes are brown
and Christian’s are blue. Brown always
will be dominant. Darn! I am secretly
wishing for something other than brown.
Her hair is also not as dark as it seems to be either. In the sun, she has lighter brown hair color
but because she has so much, it looks darker.
Again, this can all change within 6 months so I am curious to see what
that will turn out to look like as well.
So far, it looks like she inherited most of her traits from Christian. Even her big toe is exactly the same, but in
a miniature version.
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| Trying to show the eyes off here.... |
Her next Dr appointment is at 2 months where she will get
her shots. Unfortunately the Dr has recommended not taking her in super public
places until then. Looks like we will be
little hermits for a while longer, but I am just going to enjoy it and soak up
all this mommy/baby bonding I get. I
will continue to keep you posted on her growth and all the fun new things happening
in our lives. I am also going to limit
how many pictures I am posting on Facebook.
I don’t want to be one of those moms that posts like a million times
driving everyone mad. If you would like
me to blow up your texts or emails with pictures, let me know and I am happy to
share those with you!
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